Month: July 2023

Oh Dear! More Changes

One of the things we learn, hopefully in our early adult years, is that throughout life it is often necessary and important to make changes in our lives. There are a variety of reasons for this. The changes may inspire us, make us feel excited or give us a feeling of anticipation. These changes may also be a bit scary, filled with anxiety and/or “stop you dead in your tracks” frightening for an indefinite period. Again, this may happen for a variety of reasons.

Example of these changes include:

• Finishing high school, college and/or starting a job/career or changing careers,
• Going from being single to being married and often becoming parents,
• Retirement due to age or leaving your job due to a disability.
• Moving from one apartment to another, one city to another or even moving to another state.

I have gone through three of the above examples and they were not necessarily easy. I experienced a variety of emotions in each case. I made life adjustments as needed. Some adjustments took weeks and others took months to accept with support from family and friends. It is a great blessing to have people in my life who have been ready to support and encourage me.

The changes I am now having to deal with are due to memory issues that are related to aging and family medical history.

In the last three or so years I started to make minor changes to my daily routine and habits. I can see now that there will be more changes coming and I do not know how prepared I am for them. Truthfully, at this point, I am not even sure what these changes are.

I will admit that I feel a bit overwhelmed with uncertainty as well as nervous about the future.

I received a copy of my Neuropsychology evaluation results. I was surprised to see the number of areas noted in the results.

Overall, I found the results both scary and encouraging. Some results were positive to very positive while other results were just okay. Other results were not so good. Hence my feeling of concern and encouragement.

I met with my neurologist to review the results. There was mild cognitive impairment. Of course, memory issues were why I started going to the neurologist and why I am taking medication. The evaluation also confirmed that I was suffering from mild to moderate depression and PTSD.

We agreed that I would take medication for my depression and PTSD. I resisted this step for the past couple of years. After meeting with the Neuropsychologist and reviewing the results of the evaluation, I thought it a prudent step at this time.

My next step is to meet with my primary to review the recommendations made and get the necessary referrals. I am hoping to get a referral to a psychologist or neuropsychologist who can explain in simple plain language what is going on and what I can do to improve certain areas and slow down the deterioration in other areas.

Until my next post, be well and look for the positive in all things.

I was a caregiver for my dad for several years. He was a physically strong and healthy man for most of his life. He was not one of those people who would sit down and let the days just go idly by.

He would get up around 4 a.m., go collect cans and bottles, and return home after an hour or so. He would then make his breakfast, prepare coffee for me (I lived in the apartment next to him) and then leave for work. He was in his late 70’s when he started to show signs of memory loss. He also began to have heart health issues at around 80. After his triple bypass in his early 80’s his memory got progressively worse. I do not think I need to explain the challenges that come with caring for a parent with dementia or Alzheimer.

Dementia. Alzheimer. Frightening to contemplate but I had to consider it when I noticed there were signs that my memory was not what it used to be. Of course, memory issues are normal as we get older. But when I could not formulate my thoughts, when I was unable to do my journaling because even simple sentences were difficult, I knew I had to find out what was going on with me. I would read and was unable to retain what I read. I would lose my trend of thought.

I went to see a Neurologist. I had a few head injuries from falls and walking into poles when I was growing up and joked that the “bumps” must have rattled my brain. I had some tests done and was finally prescribed medication for my memory in late 2018.

I did notice my memory was not getting worse, which was a good thing. But I did notice a couple of things happening. I have a close relative that would come to me with questions or ask me to help explain something that required me to formulate sentences. It was not hard. It was simple for me to help in this way. I was encouraged by this observation. The other thing I noticed was something that had been quietly, unnoticeably happening. I was becoming increasingly withdrawn from socializing. This made me wonder if I was suffering from depression and did not realize.

A few months ago, during a follow up visit with the neurologist, I questioned if it was possible for me to have depression, not be aware of it and have it affect my memory. Yes, of course, it could. He gave me a referral to the Neuropsychologist for testing. I am currently waiting for those weeks. Hopefully, I will get the results by the end of the week.

I have for the past few weeks been researching and learning more about my emotions. I am excited about what I have learned so far. To date I have learned how little I know about emotions. So, I will go forward, risk being confused, frustrated, upset, even angry. I also know I will learn to understand and work with my emotions so that they benefit me and not hinder me.

I will share more about this in future posts.