Civility: The Gift to Give

Most of my blogs on Civility have been connected to Thanksgiving, Advent and Christmas Day. This was not the original intent of my blogs for this topic. It is, I believe, God’s gift to me as an occasion to learn and grow.

My intention was to write about using the skill of civility to bring back a sense of authentic caring and compassion into relationships. I wanted to present a logical reasoning for us all to reclaim our family and friends’ relationship and bring them back into our daily lives. Instead, during the process of writing, love became one of the main themes.

My first blog on October 16^th was written with no political or religious references. It was written to share my reflection on the environment that we as Americans find ourselves. An environment where verbal abuse, physical abuse and threats of death have become normalized by many people.

I am in my mid 70’s and clearly remember the hatred and violence that spread across this country in the 1960s. 1970s and 1980s. I am not surprised that we once again find ourselves facing hatred and violence. I have heard it said, “history mirrors itself” and “history repeats itself.”  It’s so true. What has surprised me is the extent to which personal political and religious views have infused themselves into the division we are experiencing today.

I blame a good part of this on technology and social media. Because of the lack of critical thinking so many of us apply to what we hear and read. To the pervasive idea of “me” before anyone to the point that we end up believing “I” am better or more important than “you.” What I find sad about this is that, I believe, most people don’t realize that their words or actions are reflective of this belief.

In writing my second blog in early November I realized we were getting into the holiday season. As I am a Catholic, I decided to use the process of viewing Civility through a spiritual lens. I also included some current and past historical events and biblical stories to highlight certain points.

This final blog on civility is also going to focus on the message of the Christmas Season, the “giving” season.

The birth of Jesus, a gift from God, our Father, to us. The gift of all of us becoming children of God and brothers and sister of Jesus. The gift of being one family with God as the Father. The gift of forgiveness for our transgressions.

It has been my belief that the Old Testament was not written only for the Jewish people.  The Jewish people was and is meant to be representative of all people…Jewish and gentile. In several passages in the Old Testament, the writers made a point of commenting on how people from other nations should be welcomed and treated with respect and generosity.

We have entered the Advent Season which is time when we wait with bated breath for the gift from God, the Messiah.

It’s a time when healing our relationship with each other is important. We may need to see this time as returning to God and Jesus the gift of forgiveness, compassion, and generosity.  I have experienced the Gospel of Luke as the “good news” of divine love and forgiveness.

There’s a section in Luke’s Gospel when he tells his disciples to hate their father and mother (Luke 14:26). Many people have taken this literally. Some have used it as an explanation to divide families. But if a moment is taken to reflect (by reading further), it is reasonable to understand that Jesus is actually explaining what being a follower means.  I mean really, think about it. Why would Jesus tell his disciples to dishonor his parents (the Fifth Commandment of God)?

It was not meant to cause division. It was meant to emphasize the type of commitment required to be a certain type of follower.  This particular lesson, as I see it, was to teach the disciples that whichever gift was bestowed upon them by God, were to be used with full commitment.

Here are just a few examples of gifts and what may be needed (used with morals and values that reflect the teachings of Christ:

• Pastor/Priest – this may require some to be celibate (Catholic Church). These are needed to spend all their time preaching, teaching and providing whatever assistance is needed by the members of their community. This is not a part time position. This requires the person to give their all to the community (believer and non-believer).
• Missionary – this may require a person to fully commit one or more years of travelling to a foreign country to help those in need of specific skills to help their communities. This may include carpentry, farming, education, healthcare, etc.
• Teachers and trainers – whether they work in public, private or parochial school system or for a business, must have values and morals that honor all students and employees. That what they teach is accurately based on fact and age appropriate. That they treat each student and staff with respect. They are ready to show compassion and understanding in any situation that arises.
• Healthcare workers may have to have a certain amount of objectivity while caring for a patient.  They need to still be compassionate with these patients and their families. To do their best not to let their opinions come into play because of physical appearance and become hardened by those opinions.
• Business owners need to create an organization that will provide a service and/or product that will be beneficial to the public. That they pay a fair wage and safe working environment. To safeguard from profit becoming more important than people.
• As for those who take care of children/elderly, are employed by small or large corporations, who volunteer for any organization, etc. that they show the proper appreciation for what they do. Whether or not they are paid, they are serving others and it should be done with compassion and understanding.

As this to say, that we are surrounded by people who have different views (on any given topic) and chances are that we are surrounded by these same people on daily basis. To honor the gift of God’s love, Jesus, we must find a way to receive this gift with grace and dignity and give it with grace and dignity.

Civility is one of the great gifts to share this holiday season.  A perfect gift after several years of division. This year is the perfect time to offer a priceless gift – the gift of love.

Send a text, card or letter during this month. If it’s easier, keep it to two sentences. For example,

“I am remembering the good times we had in the past. Wishing (or praying) you and your family have a happy and healthy holiday (or Christmas) season.”

Note: I personally use the term Holiday Season as not all of my family and friends are Christians. There are different faiths that have special celebrations in December. For example, the Jewish people will celebrate Hanukkah on December 25^th. It’s also a time when the Jewish people give each other gifts. Allow each person to use the term which they want without judgment.

It is my hope and prayer that this season brings the necessary strength, courage and faith to each of us to mend/heal relationships. That we have the wisdom to realize that we can recreate loving and respectful communities that is reminiscent of what we learned about Jesus.

Have a blessed week and Happy Holiday.