I participated in an online webinar on Civility in early October this year.
Civility appeared to me to be a behavior that most, if not all, people understood as the correct way to treat others.
As I pondered the idea of being civil to everyone, I realized that there was a process to attaining the ability to being authentically civil. Thanks to the creator of the webinar, Teresita Scully, the process was put into a presentation.
The presentation provided each process with a simple explanation. It was a sort of technical presentation with a spiritual undertone. After thinking about it I realized it was up to the listener to reflect on each process and how to understand the connection of each to civility. I did!
I reflected on the processes and wrote about them for my personal blog. My reflections are how I would be able to use the processes to become a more understanding, compassionate, and loving person to anyone who had different view. This was especially true to those individuals that had the ability to push my buttons. (Thank God they were only a few.)
The booklet attached has all the blog posts in one place. I did add to the booklet additional information at the end.
If there are any who are still struggling with civility, I hope these blog posts help provide some beneficial insights or suggestions on how to move forward for a more peaceful and harmonious 2025.
God sent his Son into the World (John 3:17) Photo by Guilman on Pexels.com
Most of my blogs on Civility have been connected to Thanksgiving, Advent and Christmas Day. This was not the original intent of my blogs for this topic. It is, I believe, God’s gift to me as an occasion to learn and grow.
My intention was to write about using the skill of civility to bring back a sense of authentic caring and compassion into relationships. I wanted to present a logical reasoning for us all to reclaim our family and friends’ relationship and bring them back into our daily lives. Instead, during the process of writing, love became one of the main themes.
My first blog on October 16th was written with no political or religious references. It was written to share my reflection on the environment that we as Americans find ourselves. An environment where verbal abuse, physical abuse and threats of death have become normalized by many people.
I am in my mid 70’s and clearly remember the hatred and violence that spread across this country in the 1960s. 1970s and 1980s. I am not surprised that we once again find ourselves facing hatred and violence. I have heard it said, “history mirrors itself” and “history repeats itself.” It’s so true. What has surprised me is the extent to which personal political and religious views have infused themselves into the division we are experiencing today.
I blame a good part of this on technology and social media. Because of the lack of critical thinking so many of us apply to what we hear and read. To the pervasive idea of “me” before anyone to the point that we end up believing “I” am better or more important than “you.” What I find sad about this is that, I believe, most people don’t realize that their words or actions are reflective of this belief.
In writing my second blog in early November I realized we were getting into the holiday season. As I am a Catholic, I decided to use the process of viewing Civility through a spiritual lens. I also included some current and past historical events and biblical stories to highlight certain points.
This final blog on civility is also going to focus on the message of the Christmas Season, the “giving” season.
The birth of Jesus, a gift from God, our Father, to us. The gift of all of us becoming children of God and brothers and sister of Jesus. The gift of being one family with God as the Father. The gift of forgiveness for our transgressions.
It has been my belief that the Old Testament was not written only for the Jewish people. The Jewish people was and is meant to be representative of all people…Jewish and gentile. In several passages in the Old Testament, the writers made a point of commenting on how people from other nations should be welcomed and treated with respect and generosity.
We have entered the Advent Season which is time when we wait with bated breath for the gift from God, the Messiah.
It’s a time when healing our relationship with each other is important. We may need to see this time as returning to God and Jesus the gift of forgiveness, compassion, and generosity. I have experienced the Gospel of Luke as the “good news” of divine love and forgiveness.
There’s a section in Luke’s Gospel when he tells his disciples to hate their father and mother (Luke 14:26). Many people have taken this literally. Some have used it as an explanation to divide families. But if a moment is taken to reflect (by reading further), it is reasonable to understand that Jesus is actually explaining what being a follower means. I mean really, think about it. Why would Jesus tell his disciples to dishonor his parents (the Fifth Commandment of God)?
It was not meant to cause division. It was meant to emphasize the type of commitment required to be a certain type of follower. This particular lesson, as I see it, was to teach the disciples that whichever gift was bestowed upon them by God, were to be used with full commitment.
Here are just a few examples of gifts and what may be needed (used with morals and values that reflect the teachings of Christ:
Pastor/Priest – this may require some to be celibate (Catholic Church). These are needed to spend all their time preaching, teaching and providing whatever assistance is needed by the members of their community. This is not a part time position. This requires the person to give their all to the community (believer and non-believer).
Missionary – this may require a person to fully commit one or more years of travelling to a foreign country to help those in need of specific skills to help their communities. This may include carpentry, farming, education, healthcare, etc.
Teachers and trainers – whether they work in public, private or parochial school system or for a business, must have values and morals that honor all students and employees. That what they teach is accurately based on fact and age appropriate. That they treat each student and staff with respect. They are ready to show compassion and understanding in any situation that arises.
Healthcare workers may have to have a certain amount of objectivity while caring for a patient. They need to still be compassionate with these patients and their families. To do their best not to let their opinions come into play because of physical appearance and become hardened by those opinions.
Business owners need to create an organization that will provide a service and/or product that will be beneficial to the public. That they pay a fair wage and safe working environment. To safeguard from profit becoming more important than people.
As for those who take care of children/elderly, are employed by small or large corporations, who volunteer for any organization, etc. that they show the proper appreciation for what they do. Whether or not they are paid, they are serving others and it should be done with compassion and understanding.
As this to say, that we are surrounded by people who have different views (on any given topic) and chances are that we are surrounded by these same people on daily basis. To honor the gift of God’s love, Jesus, we must find a way to receive this gift with grace and dignity and give it with grace and dignity.
Civility is one of the great gifts to share this holiday season. A perfect gift after several years of division. This year is the perfect time to offer a priceless gift – the gift of love.
Send a text, card or letter during this month. If it’s easier, keep it to two sentences. For example,
“I am remembering the good times we had in the past. Wishing (or praying) you and your family have a happy and healthy holiday (or Christmas) season.”
Note: I personally use the term Holiday Season as not all of my family and friends are Christians. There are different faiths that have special celebrations in December. For example, the Jewish people will celebrate Hanukkah on December 25th. It’s also a time when the Jewish people give each other gifts. Allow each person to use the term which they want without judgment.
It is my hope and prayer that this season brings the necessary strength, courage and faith to each of us to mend/heal relationships. That we have the wisdom to realize that we can recreate loving and respectful communities that is reminiscent of what we learned about Jesus.
I am currently reading Wearing God by Lauren F. Winner. Of course, this post is in no way a discussion of her book. It’s just that the first chapter of the book, “The God who runs after your friendship” she mentions God as healer. It was those two words that caught my attention. I really had no choice but to ponder about God as Healer. Really, those words just kept going around in my and I could not continue reading.
As I thought about this, I was reminded of how often we are more than willing to turn to God to heal not just our friends and families from what ails them, but to heal ourselves from pain, sickness and disease, etc.
Then I started to think about the family members that I took care of illness. My mother with her chronic pains that eventually debilitated her. My brother was diagnosed with terminal cancer. And, finally, my dad who in his later years developed heart disease and Alzheimer’s. Of course, I and other members of my family individually prayed for the healing of our family members. But mostly we prayed for physical healing because we wanted them to stay with us as the thought of life without them seemed unbearable.
The other day I went out to lunch with a friend of mine and she introduced me to four of her friends from church. I enjoyed myself and we talked about different things. It was a good conversation. The conversation turned to physical issues. I mentioned my aches and pains caused by fibromyalgia, as well as arthritis in all my joints. She asked me if I considered praying for me to be healed of fibromyalgia and arthritis. I said no and she gave me an odd look. I told her that in comparison to what other people were going through my aches and pains, though they may hinder my physical abilities, they I was not in excruciating pain nor was I terminal.
I want to make clear that I am not being a martyr or humble. It is just that I believe that we all will eventually experience physical pain, and/or discomfort. Whether it is because of an accident, genetics, or age. It may be temporary or permanent. But it is a fact of life.
I am not sure when, why or how I became aware that my prayers should be focused on the healing of a person’s spirit and emotional state, strength to withstand what they are going through and for God‘s grace to be with the family and friends of the person who is suffering.
I say this because when we pray for someone to be healed, and if it is God’s will that they be healed, then we also must consider it that there may be difficult times ahead that comes with that healing.
As for me, I pray for the strength and the grace to accept God‘s decision and think about how fortunate we were to have had that person with us in life.
When all is said and done, what choice do we have?
Yes, 2024 is here and a part of me is still in 2023. There were some interesting things that happened to me…good, bad and so-so. It will not be worth going through the bad or even the so-so events as it serves no purpose. First, I will start with a promise I have made to myself.
I have been inconsistent with sharing what has been happening with me or my thoughts as I proposed when I started this blog. I changed from one subject to another with no logical connection. At least I don’t see it.
This year I am not making any proposed common theme. I will just blog what has happened, how I responded and how I felt/feel.
Now to 2023. I will keep it short as rehashing past events is not necessarily good.
My neurologist recommended that I go see a Neuropsychologist for an evaluation. I did in mid-June and learned that I do have a couple of issues. I learned that I have low-grade depression and PTSD, which I understand why. I mentioned this in an earlier blog. I took action to deal with these issues.
A third great granddaughter was born December 2023. The joy that brought to my life is beyond words. Sadly, I am in Tucson, they are in New York. Thank God, we can FaceTime and video chat. I will be able to see my granddaughter and great granddaughter and keep up with the progress they make.
In the third week of December, I experienced a series of symptoms that were consistent with heart issue. I went to the ER and was admitted for evaluation. I had a battery of heart tests, EKG, Echocardiogram, heart scan and stress test. All were good. I was then referred to a pulmonologist and was fortunate enough to get an appointment for 12/29/23. Found out I have low grade allergy that has irritated my nose and throat. I also learned that one of my medications may add to my coughing and shortness of breath. This is why I put this incident in the “good” category.
There were other things that happened that made me realize that I did need to accept that I am getting older and, yes, living alone was not in my best interest. I now have someone who I love very dearly living with me and helping me.
I ended the year feeling better than I had for several months. I began the new year feeling better physically and mentally.
I guess I would say that the most significant lessons I learned were:
At some point we need to accept, and be willing to accept, that when we get to a certain age and/or have certain handicaps, help is a precious gift we should accept gracefully.
Do not let fear or uncertainty weaken our inner strength. I think allowing fear or uncertainty to control our thoughts and actions can only weaken our spirit. That, then, weakens our physical health.
As the image above show, I will start with a blank page for 2024. I am starting 2024 with gratitude to God for His many blessings this past year. I am grateful to the incredibly wonderful family and friends who have supported me, lifted my spirits and made me laugh at myself. There is nothing more joyful than sharing laughs with loved ones.
Millie Padilla 