I participated in an online webinar on Civility in early October this year.
Civility appeared to me to be a behavior that most, if not all, people understood as the correct way to treat others.
As I pondered the idea of being civil to everyone, I realized that there was a process to attaining the ability to being authentically civil. Thanks to the creator of the webinar, Teresita Scully, the process was put into a presentation.
The presentation provided each process with a simple explanation. It was a sort of technical presentation with a spiritual undertone. After thinking about it I realized it was up to the listener to reflect on each process and how to understand the connection of each to civility. I did!
I reflected on the processes and wrote about them for my personal blog. My reflections are how I would be able to use the processes to become a more understanding, compassionate, and loving person to anyone who had different view. This was especially true to those individuals that had the ability to push my buttons. (Thank God they were only a few.)
The booklet attached has all the blog posts in one place. I did add to the booklet additional information at the end.
If there are any who are still struggling with civility, I hope these blog posts help provide some beneficial insights or suggestions on how to move forward for a more peaceful and harmonious 2025.
Circular shape of the wreath: no beginning, no end of God’s love; eternal love
In the earlier four parts of my blog on the Civility Webinar I took part in I wrote about my personal observations for each section presented by Teresita Scully.
When I first started this series, I did not realize I would finish the last part at the beginning of the Advent Season. But I think it’s a great time to bring the series to a close. (I may add a final epilogue to this after the Holiday Season in early January.)
Adventus, the Latin word for Advent, signifies a sense of coming or arrival. The origins of Advent can be traced back to before the 4th century. By the 4th century written evidence is found in modern Spain and Europe (Hispania and Gaul). (A bit of history: the earliest mention Advent practices came when the Council of Saragossa met {380 AD} to respond to the Priscillianism movement.)
We are in a time when a sense of darkness is prevalent in different ways. Politically, religiously, and culturally we are experiencing strife between families and friends. Advent is a time that many of us reflect on the birth of Christ. The fulfillment of the promise of a Messiah in the Old Testament predicted by the Jewish people. So, today, we celebrate it as a time of waiting for the Light to appear and we use candles to remind of that promise.
There are four candles lit during each Sunday of Advent. The first is Hope (Prophecy Candle), recalling the prophecies in the Old Testament). The second is Faith (Bethlehem Candle) recalling Mary and Jospeh’s journey to Bethlehem. The third is Joy (Shepherd’s Candle) recalling the joy we feel as we anticipate Jesus’ return. The final fourth is Love (Angel’s Candle) recall the angels’ announcement of Christ’s birth.
Why am I connecting civility with the Advent season? These are, again, my own personal insights after reflecting on the promise of the Messiah.
The candles of Advent, Hope, Faith, Joy and Peace should be pillars we use each day of this season (and every day after) for defining how we talk and act with each other.
In the Old Testament hope was one of the major themes of the prophets. It told of a time of peace for all nations. For me this means keeping a loving and respectful relationship with our family and friends.
Religious Jewish leaders and prophets reminded the people to keep their faith by recalling how God faithfully saw them through hard times in the past. This requires keep our faith strong through prayer, meditation, bible study, and connecting with member of your faith community.
Do you know that joy is mentioned 245 times in the Bible (NIV). It is different from happy. I see joy as an emotion that is a part of my heart and soul. Joy sustains me in times of pain and sorrow. It’s God’s gift to me that I can reach for to lift me up and bring peace and acceptance to my heart and mind. Happiness is an emotion that we feel due to outside circumstances and is temporary. (The same for sad. It’s brought on by a painful experience. Again, this is temporary).
Ahh, we come to the hardest of all, love. Actually no, love is not hard to give to anyone/everyone. Some equate loving with the idea that one has to accept a person’s misbehavior or lack of morals, characters, or values. For me love comes from the understanding that we are all children of God. God loves all of us, flaws and all. This does not mean that God accepts behavior that is a result of lack of morals, character, or values. These shortcomings come from the imperfect being that we are. It may be caused by family issues, medical issues or tragedies experienced early in life.
The reality is that there is no real excuse for not loving others. This is especially true if we love God and Jesus.
Now we come to validation. One of the definitions of validation is: “recognition or affirmation that a person or their feelings or their opinions are valid or worthwhile.
When in conversation with anyone, remember that listening to them with an open heart is confirming them as individuals with to have own opinions. They too were given a free will by God to make their own choices in life. Again, you don’t have to agree with them; just honor their right to think individually. Remind yourself of this and being civil during any conversation will be easier and help keep a relationship.
The final section is understanding. There are two different definitions that I want to mention here. One is the noun “an informal or unspoken agreement or arrangement.” The other is the adjective: sympathetically aware of people’s feelings; tolerant and forgiving”
Both are proper for this time of the year. Relationships, in order to flourish, require each of us to treat the other as we want them to treat us. That means approaching each person in every situation with love in our hearts for them. To be generous, kind, compassionate, tolerant and forgiving. When the occasion calls for it, be humble and ask for forgiveness, release the anger, and my favorite, laugh at each other for being so stubborn. It may be one of gifts that you share with the other that allows you both to grow. (I am a firm believer that stubbornness is a negative stance when it causes harm.)
This final part, Validation and Understanding, are not the final steps in healing our relationships. These are just some steps that, hopefully, will lead you to taking the first step in reaching out to your estranged family and friends. YOU are the final step.
Will you trust in God, be humble and let His love be your strength to take that first step? I pray you do.
I am currently reading Wearing God by Lauren F. Winner. Of course, this post is in no way a discussion of her book. It’s just that the first chapter of the book, “The God who runs after your friendship” she mentions God as healer. It was those two words that caught my attention. I really had no choice but to ponder about God as Healer. Really, those words just kept going around in my and I could not continue reading.
As I thought about this, I was reminded of how often we are more than willing to turn to God to heal not just our friends and families from what ails them, but to heal ourselves from pain, sickness and disease, etc.
Then I started to think about the family members that I took care of illness. My mother with her chronic pains that eventually debilitated her. My brother was diagnosed with terminal cancer. And, finally, my dad who in his later years developed heart disease and Alzheimer’s. Of course, I and other members of my family individually prayed for the healing of our family members. But mostly we prayed for physical healing because we wanted them to stay with us as the thought of life without them seemed unbearable.
The other day I went out to lunch with a friend of mine and she introduced me to four of her friends from church. I enjoyed myself and we talked about different things. It was a good conversation. The conversation turned to physical issues. I mentioned my aches and pains caused by fibromyalgia, as well as arthritis in all my joints. She asked me if I considered praying for me to be healed of fibromyalgia and arthritis. I said no and she gave me an odd look. I told her that in comparison to what other people were going through my aches and pains, though they may hinder my physical abilities, they I was not in excruciating pain nor was I terminal.
I want to make clear that I am not being a martyr or humble. It is just that I believe that we all will eventually experience physical pain, and/or discomfort. Whether it is because of an accident, genetics, or age. It may be temporary or permanent. But it is a fact of life.
I am not sure when, why or how I became aware that my prayers should be focused on the healing of a person’s spirit and emotional state, strength to withstand what they are going through and for God‘s grace to be with the family and friends of the person who is suffering.
I say this because when we pray for someone to be healed, and if it is God’s will that they be healed, then we also must consider it that there may be difficult times ahead that comes with that healing.
As for me, I pray for the strength and the grace to accept God‘s decision and think about how fortunate we were to have had that person with us in life.
When all is said and done, what choice do we have?
Millie Padilla 