I knew it was a while since I had blogged. I just hadn’t realized it was six months. That’s something that happens with age – time flies at the speed of light. Yes, life has a way of reminding me I am in my mid 70’s.
But I am ready to start again…
I was having trouble with my laptop and ignored it. It was 10-12 years old, but I grew attached to it. I understood it’s quirks and I dealt with the slow, very slow, amount of time it took to boot up, bring up programs, etc. You get the point.
I finally had to get a new one. I berated myself for waiting so long to get a new one. Especially when I realized the difference in how much, in much less time, I could carry out. I do wish I had gotten my new laptop at least 3 or so months earlier.
I learned a lesson. Well, I guess you can say, I learned two lessons: one was a reminder of something I forgot, and the other was a new lesson.
First, becoming attached to material things is not good. Most of us know and understand that material possessions can get control over us if we become too attached to them.
In my case it was my comfort level with my laptop that came with me from New York to Arizona. Holding on to that provided a comfort level but hindered my ability to properly focus on doing things what brought me pleasure. It also helped me to feel inadequate while working on some projects.
I didn’t need the laptop to remind me of New York City. I had my memories. I will always have my memories. A laptop is replaceable. A memory is not.
Of course, I got my new laptop. Once I got it set up and working, I was able to work more smoothly. This allowed me to release the stress levels that taken hold of me and prevented me from properly and efficiently working on my projects.
Second, the new lesson I learned is about material possessions and emotions.
The situation I met with a bad working laptop gave way to my pondering on why I held on so tightly to it, especially as my frustrations with it grew. I had wonderful, beautiful, and potent memories about New York, family and friends, Memories my Catholic upbringing, my parish, where I learned about social justice in action. Memories about jobs, co-workers, and training events.
I had to wonder why I “needed” a tangible item to remind me of my time in New York or any other place for that matter. I can rationalize why one would want a token, such as a small statue of the Eiffel Tower to remember a visit to Paris. A religious item from visiting a cathedral. Even rocks or seashells which can be used as decorative items. But a laptop?
But truth is the attachment was emotional response to fill a need. For me, I think it was to help me feel that I can do as well in Arizona as I did in New York. My physical limitation became more pronounced with time which is why I moved to Tucson.
Well, It’s September. The Autumn season is near and although I will miss seeing the changes in nature in the Northeast & Northwest, I will be able to enjoy the cooler nights here with open windows.
A time for new beginnings and new ideas to emerge to uplift my life and, hopefully, others.
I participated in an online webinar on Civility in early October this year.
Civility appeared to me to be a behavior that most, if not all, people understood as the correct way to treat others.
As I pondered the idea of being civil to everyone, I realized that there was a process to attaining the ability to being authentically civil. Thanks to the creator of the webinar, Teresita Scully, the process was put into a presentation.
The presentation provided each process with a simple explanation. It was a sort of technical presentation with a spiritual undertone. After thinking about it I realized it was up to the listener to reflect on each process and how to understand the connection of each to civility. I did!
I reflected on the processes and wrote about them for my personal blog. My reflections are how I would be able to use the processes to become a more understanding, compassionate, and loving person to anyone who had different view. This was especially true to those individuals that had the ability to push my buttons. (Thank God they were only a few.)
The booklet attached has all the blog posts in one place. I did add to the booklet additional information at the end.
If there are any who are still struggling with civility, I hope these blog posts help provide some beneficial insights or suggestions on how to move forward for a more peaceful and harmonious 2025.
It is November 25th, just three days before Thanksgiving Day. I am hoping, whether you have read my previous posts, that many of you have taken the opportunity to lean into the meaning of Thanksgiving and have been reminiscing about past gatherings with family and/or friends on previous Thanksgiving Days.
Over the past 8-10 years many of us have allowed the political and religious rhetoric to become heated to the point that each one’s opinion became more important than personal relationships. The true meaning of family and friendship have become obscured or pushed aside because of our own stubbornness. Our need to be right at any cost seems to replace respect and generosity.
Family, as defined by the dictionary is, “a group of one or more parents and their children living together as a unit.” Of course, as the child/ren age, they will become independent and leave home. Yet they are still part of the “family.” Also, outside the immediate family unit, are aunts, uncles, and cousins that are part of the family.
Family is supportive of each other. They share a bond that is unique from all others. From early childhood we are exposed to family members. Shared moments included dinners, stories, laughter and, like most families I know, a little bickering. Family helps each other, when necessary, often without hesitation. Has any of this changed during the past 8-10 years? Think, reflect before answering this: do you miss those times when you got together and loved each other?
Think about this: when in the past have you seen all these family members agree on everything? Was there a time when family or friends had different views on your opinion or your actions? Did they push you away? After getting over the frustration or anger, were you able to come together accepting that each one saw things differently? Did you find a way to manage to enjoy your time with them? Or…was your love conditional?
We need to get back to those family and friends who encouraged, inspired, and supported us in the past. It is important to acknowledge that we each were given a free will by God to think, believe, and make choices that are our own.
Engagement
One part of the Civility Webinar deals with engagement.
One of the definitions of engagement (Merriam Webster) is “an arrangement to meet at or be present at a specific time and place.”
For family and friends this could be a birthday party, wedding, anniversary, or any of the holidays that are important to us. These shared moments are still in our hearts and memories. Today, this week, would be a perfect time to bring these memories to the surface. Allow the feelings and love infuse our heart with joy, compassion and understanding. Bask in the joy we felt when surrounded by so much love that was unconditional.
Thanksgiving, an action that became a special holiday, was conceived to bring together two diverse cultures: Native Americans (Wampanoag people) and the English Purist known as Pilgrims in 1621 during the harvest festival.
On October 3, 1789, President George Washington designated the last Thursday of November as a day of public thanksgiving and prayer. It was not consistently celebrated until President Abraham Lincoln officially established it in 1863 as a national tradition/holiday.
A little side note here. Notice that President Lincoln declared Thanksgiving a national holiday during the civil war. The political and religious differences were at a level that filled with violence. Brother against brother, parent against child. The rift must have seemed insurmountable. Yet, both Presidents Washington and Lincoln believed that a way to show gratitude for the blessings they had was to have a day of thanksgiving.
Eventually both the North and South states implemented the national holiday. I am sure, because of their mutual love, many of the family and friends’ separations healed over time. It is safe to say that Thanksgiving and Christmas were holidays that allowed people to begin the healing process. Now is the time for us to begin to heal our relationships.
Why not start today? If you are experiencing a rift between family and/or friends, reach out to them. It can be a simple text or card wishing them a Happy Thanksgiving and adding one or two sentences (e.g., “Been remembering past Thanksgiving gatherings when wonderful times were shared.”) Today, choose love to guide your next steps.
To Listen
This section of the Civility Webinar is titled, To Listen. “To” in this case is a proposition. The dictionary defines it as “approaching or reaching a particular condition.”
What better time than now to start moving towards rebuilding relationships.
It’s funny that as I am writing this, I am thinking about those friends, from my past that I have not been in contact with for years. Many of them I would not even know how to reach out to them. I think about them often. Friends from middle and high school or people who I worked with who became friends over time. I was fortunate to spend years in three different jobs (5 years, 26 and 18 years) where co-workers transitioned to friends.
If you are ready to reach out to your estranged family and friends, there are things to remember. Take the first step to reconnecting with them.
Start by allowing yourself to take the time to review your past with your family members. Begin with your teenage years and remember what it was like being with them. Did you share secrets? Did you argue about what shows to watch, what movie theatre to go to or did you agree to see different movies within the same theatre? How was it afterwards? Did you compare notes?
Now, recall the shared good times What about your young adult years? How did you celebrate special occasions with them? Birthdays, showers, weddings, or the birth of a child are occasions we all get to celebrate at some point. Where were the celebrations held? Did you gather at a club, a restaurant, or at someone’s home?
Close your eyes and recall some of those conversations, the atmosphere and especially the emotions during and after you finally arrived home.
There is much to be discouraged about modern technology, but there is so much to be grateful for as well. Begin the uncomplicated way to reach out to them to let them know you are remembering the happy times. This can be done via text or sending a card if calling them feels awkward at this moment. Include a specific time or event. With social media you also have the choice of reaching out to them via Messenger. Choose the option with which you are most comfortable.
Also keep your words about the memories you have shared with each other simple and authentic.
Wishing you all a have a healing and happy Thanksgiving Week.
Yes, 2024 is here and a part of me is still in 2023. There were some interesting things that happened to me…good, bad and so-so. It will not be worth going through the bad or even the so-so events as it serves no purpose. First, I will start with a promise I have made to myself.
I have been inconsistent with sharing what has been happening with me or my thoughts as I proposed when I started this blog. I changed from one subject to another with no logical connection. At least I don’t see it.
This year I am not making any proposed common theme. I will just blog what has happened, how I responded and how I felt/feel.
Now to 2023. I will keep it short as rehashing past events is not necessarily good.
My neurologist recommended that I go see a Neuropsychologist for an evaluation. I did in mid-June and learned that I do have a couple of issues. I learned that I have low-grade depression and PTSD, which I understand why. I mentioned this in an earlier blog. I took action to deal with these issues.
A third great granddaughter was born December 2023. The joy that brought to my life is beyond words. Sadly, I am in Tucson, they are in New York. Thank God, we can FaceTime and video chat. I will be able to see my granddaughter and great granddaughter and keep up with the progress they make.
In the third week of December, I experienced a series of symptoms that were consistent with heart issue. I went to the ER and was admitted for evaluation. I had a battery of heart tests, EKG, Echocardiogram, heart scan and stress test. All were good. I was then referred to a pulmonologist and was fortunate enough to get an appointment for 12/29/23. Found out I have low grade allergy that has irritated my nose and throat. I also learned that one of my medications may add to my coughing and shortness of breath. This is why I put this incident in the “good” category.
There were other things that happened that made me realize that I did need to accept that I am getting older and, yes, living alone was not in my best interest. I now have someone who I love very dearly living with me and helping me.
I ended the year feeling better than I had for several months. I began the new year feeling better physically and mentally.
I guess I would say that the most significant lessons I learned were:
At some point we need to accept, and be willing to accept, that when we get to a certain age and/or have certain handicaps, help is a precious gift we should accept gracefully.
Do not let fear or uncertainty weaken our inner strength. I think allowing fear or uncertainty to control our thoughts and actions can only weaken our spirit. That, then, weakens our physical health.
As the image above show, I will start with a blank page for 2024. I am starting 2024 with gratitude to God for His many blessings this past year. I am grateful to the incredibly wonderful family and friends who have supported me, lifted my spirits and made me laugh at myself. There is nothing more joyful than sharing laughs with loved ones.
Millie Padilla 